We Are Family – or not? A song on Brexit

Should I stay or should I go? That’s the question Britain is asking itself tomorrow – also Scotland, naturally, as a part of the union. Starting this wee comment with a song, I’d go on with more music in order to discuss the referendum’s spirit: Is the European Union a gain or a wreck?

Actually I’m a bit astonished that Great Britain from all countries in Europe asks this question. As it was so Happy Together two years ago when Scotland said I Want to Break Free. Well, 45 percent of Scotland anyway and too little therefore, so, as we all know, Bonnie Scotland stayed part of the union. The same union that doubts the advantages of its big brother Europe now. Och aye.

So what are these advantages actually? Let’s have a look at two very trivial examples. Do you have children? Do they love to play with their Barbie Girl? Cute blonde (too thin and too busty, in my honest opinion) dolls Barbie style and their athletic beach boys (WTF are those kids playing with them btw?) could be a threat to your offspring – if they’d play with cheap Asian rip-offs made of cheap toxic materials. But they don’t, and it’s not particularly your credit, but the EU’s one which banned them. This, again, forces Asian doll factories to rethink. A huge trading partner like the EU with almost 750 million citizens is a customer everyone says to: Don’t Wanna Lose You. UK, on the other hand, with little more than 64 million citizens… Well… If it was only about what they think, and all the 686 million others would crave for the opposite… Guess who’d win!

Another one? Hm. There’s oil in the Pipeline, right? Not the Scottish ones, we forget about them for a moment as – Do You Remember? – wise scientists said during the indyref campaigns and even now that the Scottish oil isn’t sufficient anyway. No, the Russian ones. Bringing Fuel to the stations everywhere. But wait, between Great Britian and Russia are what? At least half a dozens countries on the map. All of them EU members. So it’s rather unlikely that they say „oh, sure, you can have the oil for the same price, using our pipelines, although you don’t pay for them or anything really any more“ if UK said Bye Bye Love. Right? Fuel prices would rise in UK in that case, says my logic. And if you have a look here, there are much wiser people than me foretelling much worse things even.

And The Other Side? Checking my crystal ball, it shows hatred, anger, fear. Anger that every EU citizen has to pay his or her emergency contribution for Greece’s Empty Pockets and so on. We weren’t raging on the bank crash, on the other hand. Why not? Because it was about white collars and so-called uninfluenceable coincidences? Anyway, there’s this annoyance: paying for others. Even more as the refugees who are mainly in different countries and not particularly in Great Britian also cost money. Right, refugees. That’s a huge topic for the Let Me Leave lovers. Many don’t want them in Europe, let alone in their neighbourhood. But how is that an argument to leave the EU? I don’t really get it. While in Germany, for example, there are refugee camps everywhere and the actual numbers count 1,2 million (in digits: 1.200.000) people (until now! still more coming!), PM David Cameron was as gracious as promising to accept 20.000 over five years. So UK isn’t taking much weight on its shoulder anyway. Is 20.000 still too much and a reason to bugger off Against All Odds?

What are the arguments of the Leave-side? I don’t know. You don’t know. Because we all haven’t heard and read many arguments. Oh right, Money Money Money. But how would it be an advantage to negotiate own trading deals with Asia, for example, when the highest amount of all UK exports go to Europe? I won’t collect more arguments here, my fellow journalists from the Telegraph have written quite a nice overview here. And you, dear reader, have understood by now that my whole view is a wee bit sarcastic. Maybe I’m Sick of It All. Hatred, anger, but also empty promises and polite hushing up of serious imbalances. Maybe I just want you to think. Of what might change for us all if you, dear Brits, overstep the Point of No Return. A union, and that’s your view from two years ago if I remember correctly, is like a marriage: Not easy, with ups and downs, but We Are Family. Or not?

All these good news

Burst devomax promises? Evil accusations and defamatory comparisons? A mudslinging between so-called winners, indicating with a raised index finger that so-called losers have to accept their defeat and to shut up in particular, and the so-called losers who do not abandon their dream and run one of the biggest movements in modern Scotland? Ha, what a humbug, who’s a pessimist and conciders Scotland’s mood being entirely negative, just because there are a few tiny differences and some neighbours do not even say Hello to each other any more? Wearing rose-coloured glasses, I hopped tap-dancers-like through gorgeous Alba and gained good news, more good news and nothing but good news. Scotland is so beautiful these days, you just have to put things right…

Nicola Sturgeon is going to be next SNP leader and Scotland’s First Lady, erm, First Minister I mean. Brilliant.  What I’ve seen, read, heard of her during the three busy pre-referendum months indicates that she’s a person who’s committed to what she says and does with all her sense and soul, no matter what others may think of it. I do appreciate consistency and determination, so I give Sturgeon a pre-bonus of sympathy. And Scotland’s bright future is going to be even more amazing if news like that will not cause headlines in the style of “a woman takes the power” or “she will rule even though she wears a skirt“. Huh? So I probably have misread, right? Talking of people who offer the same expertise and competence as others, modern people totally don’t care if someone has balls or not. There! Not referring to courage btw. Alas, feminism is damn sexy when it’s so obviously wiped off the table: damsel in distress. Eventually we (we as in “we women” although that’s usually not the way I think) must be glad that Middle Ages are past, even though it could provoke a smile if fictional Middle Ages papers headlined “the shrew will speak in front of noble men, tighten her chastity belt’s screws“. But hey, a smile is positive. Good news!

Scottish customers have to pay for their grocery bags, starting today. 5p each at least. Amazing. When I think of the masses of ultra-thin plastic bags that pile up in my room every time I’m over, and if I gross up these masses to all wonderful citizens of Scotland, I think that the price still is not high enough to preserve oceans against this flood of waste. Environmental protection is also sexy, oh yes. This sensual experience, fumbling a wishy-washy canvas bag from the pocket, dewrinkling the toe-curling imprint and determining that the purchases won’t fit: indescribable. How many times has this dilemma led to lovely new acquaintances when I fluttered my eyelashes helplessly asking the handsome gentleman behind me to carry the water bottles which are too heavy for my delicate hands anyway to the car. To which I usually get the reply: “You’re emancipated, you’ll get on with this all by yourself.” Fxxx feminism. But seriously: Avoiding plastic is good, and creating own reusable bags is even better. Creativity keeps the mind fit. Good news.

According to BBC News, “Aberdeen is among the nominees for the Carbuncle Award, given to the most dismal town in Scotland”. How gratifying! It draws attention to the city which otherwise occurs in the news solely when oil reserves multiply themselves within a few days or a pal’s favourite club plays a match. By the way: Isn’t it wonderfully meaningless when twenty guys run after a ball, two more protect a net and all of them earn outrageously much money? Anyway. Aberdeen is certainly in the spotlight. And this fact perhaps might even involve a nice makeover of the urban architecture in one way or another. Everyone knows that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder though, and apples shall not be compared to oranges. Let’s imagine Edinburgh’s attractivity is an analogy to Missy Malone or – more international like Edinburgh itself – Dita von Teese, all three enchant with style and grace and a wee hint of savageness. And Aberdeen is, hm, no idea – maybe Susan Boyle? Her appearance is hardly comparable to her burlesque colleagues’ ones, but she rakes in money, she has a voice and people love her. Each has advantages. Good news.

Speaking of BBC, there are quite some people who not only ignore this broadcaster and everything concerned since referendum day accusing it of bias, but now also actively boycott it . “I do not pay my license any longer, I feel such a rebel”, I’ve heard more than once. Excellent! Indeed, there are exactly two ways in which a media empire might adjust to dwindling sources of money: It could struggle to regain them, with quality. And quality is always good without the slightest doubt. Or else, it accepts the situation with a shrug and helps itself to new sources of money by commercializing the programs. If I may play a fortune teller, the latter is likely to lead to even more people boycotting the BBC, which would guide the broadcaster to the financial scaffold sooner or later. By what the thorn would pull itself out of the flesh of those who consider it being a thorn. I’d prefer the quality way, but the alternative would also be a kind of solution. Good news therefore.

And more good news to come, I’m sure…

©Maria Pakura